The Grieving Process
by ladyanaconda
Summary: The loss of a child is the greatest pain a parent can feel. After the death of their first child at birth, Xibalba and La Muerte must learn to cope with the loss and stick together now more than ever. But it is easier said than done.


**"** **It has been said time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind protecting it's sanity covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it's never gone." –Rose Kennedy.**

It had been a month ever since their child died at birth.

That event was still fresh in their minds like had happened yesterday, they would never forget the sight of their son's motionless body, his eyes closed like he were asleep, but he was not asleep. The nursery room they had made now became a reminder of what could have been, but wasn't. The door was locked, and no one could go in.

La Muerte seemed to be the most affected of the couple, even though her husband was as much affected as she was, though he tried not to show it. Xibalba tried his best not to cry everytime he passed in front of the shut nursery doors, but he bottled up his sorrow and pain. He felt he had to be strong, for his wife. It broke his heart to see her suffering like this. Since the death of their baby she fell into depression, and spent most of the time in her chambers, crying. It broke his heart to see her like this. No matter what he did to cheer her up, it just didn't work. He became especially worried when he had to go down to his realm to work, fearing La Muerte might try to do something foolish while he was gone, so he charged the guards and maids to tend to the Queen and look after her while he was gone. How ironic, it was usually him who tried to do foolish things out of sorrow and pain, and La Muerte was the one who stopped him.

As he dismounted Medianoche and glided into his beloved wife's castle, he got worried when he didn't find his wife in the throne room… again. It seemed the castle reflected its master's mood, for once the bright colors seemed a bit dim, and there was no music nor laughter echoing in the colorful halls, even the Remembered seemed gloom; they were worried for their Queen as much as he was.

Xibalba made his way upstairs and through the halls he new so well, towards La Muerte's bedchambers where she probably was. As he neared the doors, however, he thought he heard a sound coming from the inside. Sobbing. Alarmed, Xibalba instantly pushed one of the doors open and found La Muerte on bed, her back on the doorway.

"La Muerte?" he called her name gently, but she didn't reply. She continued sobbing her lungs out. " _Mi amor_ , are you okay?" Soon, he was next to the bed and could take a closer look at his wife.

"Balby…" La Muerte sobbed in a low voice. "Ay, Balby…"

Worried, Xibalba sat down right next to her and touched her… just then, he noticed La Muerte was holding something in her hands. A baby rattle, the one they had bought for their child. He knew what this was about instantly.

"La Muerte…" he stroked her shoulder gently, and as soon as he touched her she burst out in tears and wrapped her arms around her husband, tears streaming down her cheeks, sobbing her heart out.

"Shhh…" Xibalba returned the embrace and pulled her close. It broke his heart to see his beloved like this. "Don't cry, _mi amor_. You know it gives me pain to see you cry."

"B-Balby…!" La Muerte bawled. "W-Why did this h-have to happen?! My baby… Our baby…!"

"It's okay, Muertita. I'm here."

"And I d-didn't… I d-didn't get to love him… to kiss him…!" She buried her face into her husband's neck. "What did I do wrong?!"

"You did nothing wrong, my love. It was not your fault, it was an accident."

"I'm so sorry…! I couldn't… I know you wanted… I won't be able to… to give you the children we wanted!"

"Don't say that, _mi amor_."

"I heard when Akhushtal said… we wouldn't be able to conceive anymore…"

Xibalba kissed his wife's head and ran his fingers through her hair. "Don't say that, _mi corazón_. We can look for other options."

"For what?!" suddenly La Muerte pulled back from the embrace and glared up at her husband with great pain. "For being told that I'm sterile once and again?!" she burst out in tears again. " _Estoy seca_! Dead on the inside!"

"La Muerte!" Xibalba grabbed her by the shoulders and glared at her, his eyes swelling up with tears though he tried to hide them. "Don't say that! I know it hurts, but it's happened! There's nothing we can do as much as it pains us, we have to move on!"

Rather than comfort the goddess, those words made her angry. "How can you be so insensitive?! You think it's easy for me to forget about my first baby?!"

"I'm not telling you to forget! I'm telling you that there's no point in thinking about the past when what matters is the present!"

La Muerte pulled back from his embrace and stood up, tears streaming down her cheeks as the fire in her eyes ignited. "Is it really that unimportant to you?! Do you even care about our baby?!"

Now it was Xibalba's turn to grow angry as he jumped to his feet and snapped at his wife with a broken, incensed voice. "How dare you say I don't care?! He was _my_ baby too, in case you have forgotten! But what you're doing is not healthy! You think it doesn't pain me to know that our child died without having even taken his first breath?!"

"You don't seem to care at all!"

"I don't have to be moping and staying on bed all day to show I'm affected by the loss as much as you!"

"You?! You'll never understand what I'm going through as a woman and a mother!" La Muerte finished with a yell, turning her back on her husband and taking her hands to her abdomen, where she once felt a little heart beating, where she would never feel a life grow for the rest of her existence.

Realizing he was hurting her, Xibalba sighed and crossed his arms, looking down in regret. His eyes were damp, but the tears refused to come out ever since this fight started. Warily, he approached his wife and gently placed his gloved hands on her shoulders to try and console her, but she didn't react. She just continued sobbing, now hugging herself while trying to show indifferent to her husband.

"Look, I'm sorry, I…" Xibalba didn't know what to say. "I don't mean to tell you that you forget about our child. I'll never forget him, all I mean to say is that sulking around won't bring him back to us. We may not have gotten to know him, but he wouldn't have liked his mother to do this."

La Muerte couldn't take it any longer and she twirled around to wrap her arms around her husband, bawling her heart out and burying her face into his chest. Though surprised at first, Xibalba soon returned the embrace and wrapped his wings around her to keep her warm, kissing her head.

"It's not fair! Why did this have to happen to us?!"

"Shht. Maybe we'll never know, but I assure you, we will go through this. I promise."

La Muerte stiffened and started to tremble. Ever since the death of their child, and the rumors that they would never be able to conceive ever again, there was a thought that had been haunting her. "Do you still want me?"

Xibalba grew alarmed as he pulled back from the embrace and looked down at his beloved. "Why do you say that?"

La Muerte didn't have the heart to look up at him. "I c-can't give you… I w-won't be able t-to… I know you wanted a child, and I won't be able to-" she was surprised when he placed a finger upon her lips to shush her, before lifting her chin to look into her beautiful, golden eyes.

"I don't care, La Muerte. You think I married you just for children? I don't need one to be happy by your side, _mi amor_. I'd rather die than leave you just for an insignificant thing as that. Like I told you before the altar, my love for you is endless, I will stand by your side in the good and the bad." Xibalba smiled down at his beloved wife as he wiped a lone tear running down her cheek. "Please don't cry, _mi corazón_. You look prettier when you smile."

La Muerte buried her face into Xibalba's chest, still sobbing, but his comforting words managed to calm her down a bit. The two of them stayed like that for what seemed like hours. They would never forget their stillborn child; they may have not been able to see him grow nor love him, but they would always hold him close to their hearts.


End file.
